![]() “Some people invite others on dates impulsively in a misguided attempt to validate their feelings,” he tells Elite Daily. Moore, licensed psychotherapist and cognitive behavior specialist, also believes that people stand up their dates out of a need for validation. “They stand people up because of their fear of abandonment, insecurity, their constant desire and need for reassurance.” Once the online interaction transitions to an IRL date, they aren’t able to hide behind their digital mask, and they freak out.ĭr. “They attach to their digital world and persona as a source of support and human interaction,” Silva explains. Alternatively, displaced people have anxiety about meeting someone in person whom they’ve been talking to exclusively online. They might get cold feet before a date and decide to skip it. ![]() Dismissive people people are “more likely to stand you up because they have a fear of faulty decision making, and they don’t trust themselves emotionally,” she tells Elite Daily. Silva outlines the two types of people most likely to stand up a date: those with “dismissive” or “displaced” personalities. It’s the same conflict-avoidant behavior that causes people to ghost. “It is their detachment to emotional outcomes that is making some people behave the way they do.” In an effort to avoid dealing with their feelings, some people may choose to run away from situations that make them uncomfortable. “What is driving the behavior is what I call ‘ Detachment Styles theory,’” Silva explains. As it turns out, it all has to do with how each person reacts to emotional situations. But it made me wonder… is there a more sinister reason why some people might choose not to show up to a date? I reached out to behavioral scientist Clarissa Silva to get her opinion, and her explanation was super enlightening. In Nikki’s case, her fear came from a relatable place. Looking back, Nikki says she feels awful about her decision, but she blames it on the stress she felt in the moment. “When it came time to actually meet him, I became so scared, so I bailed.” She unmatched him on Tinder and didn’t say a word. “I just had this crazy feeling about him and our connection,” she tells Elite Daily. Nikki, 27, describes a time when she stood up a date because she was scared of how much she liked him. Sometimes it’s totally unintentional (maybe they overslept or got the time mixed up), and sometimes it’s because of nerves. The whole ordeal left me wondering, why do people stand up their dates? Is there a psychological reason for this behavior?įirst of all, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer for why someone might stand up a date. Eventually, he gave in and ordered food by himself (probably because the server kept anxiously checking on him), but it made me want to scoot over and invite him to join my table instead. He sipped his wine quietly for half an hour while he clearly waited for someone to join him. I saw it happen just a few weeks ago to a guy sitting one table away from me at a restaurant. Getting stood up is one of my worst dating fears.
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